Yesterday my program director emailed me sayiung "Someone saw Trisha smoking outside of school this morning. Make sure you drug test her today." Drug tests, no problem. I've been doing weekly drug tests for the past 3 1/2 years. I don't mind. It's kind of interesting, actually. Watching for the little lines to appear reminds me of pregnancy tests. I love the fact that you can't lie on a drug test. (Well, you can, but it takes special equipment and a lot of thought and effort... I randomly test my girls for that very reason). Your urine tells on you if you've been doing things you shouldn't. The threat of random drug tests keeps you honest. Trisha and I have an understanding. She is proud of the fact that she has never failed a drug test. I am proud of her for the same reason. So, yesterday when I got that email, I felt crushed. I couldn't figure out her motivation at all. Why screw up now? Wisely, I waited to talk to her about it until I tested her. I tested her for cigarettes and pot, both came up negative. Her cigarettes line came up faint, but that's in keeping with the fact that everyone around her smoked all weekend when she was at home.
I felt hugely relieved. I texted my boss and asked her if she'd mind telling me who had said they'd seen Trisha smoking, because her tests were negative. When she told me, it all clicked into place. Trisha stayed with another proctor family on respite, when Paul and I went to Germany last month. Trisha did not hit it off with the other family. She disliked their rules, the atmosphere, etc. When Trisha isn't happy you know it. She has no social graces. She doesn't smile if she doesn't feel like it. She won't say hello if she doesn't know you well. She treats everyone with the utmost suspcion until she knows them well enough to make a judgement. The main thing Trisha disliked the air of suspicion that pervaded the house. They would listen in on her conversations, phone or otherwise, and then the proctor mom would call her supervisor and tell her everything Trisha said. The teenagers had to go everywhere the proctor mom went-- even if it was 5 am and she was going to the airport. No self respecting teenager is awake at 5am. Even the ones who were out partying the night before are home and in their beds by then. Trisha thrives on trust. From the beginning with her, I have given her a lot of trust. She has always responded with respect and responsibility. I work best that way. I tell the kids that as soon as they come in. I tell them that I give them a lot of freedom and trust, and if they break it, it will cause difficulties in our relationship and the amount of trust they recieve in the future. I tell them that if they sneak out of my house they will no longer be welcome here. I'm pretty leniant. If they ask for something reasonable I try to help them get it. If they ask to go out, I approve whoever I need to approve and tell them to have a good time, but they have to do so within my limits. Trust begets trust. If I am trying to teach trust, I have to first exhibit it. Suspicion creates sneakiness. Or at least makes it worse. Case in point, the other proctor mom was the one who saw Trisha smoking, and reported it. If you expect the worst, you very often get it.
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